


p.s. I still love you

by adiosnoninos



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Coming of Age, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, M/M, Mentioned Park Jisung (NCT), Mutual Pining, STEM nerds in love, Science Inaccuracies, Sharing a Bed, Virtual Reality, it's bc i've been out of STEM for three years now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiosnoninos/pseuds/adiosnoninos
Summary: It is the year 2120.Everything is possible.
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Qian Kun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	p.s. I still love you

It is the year 2120. 

Everything is possible. 

After a massive pandemic, followed by a climate crisis that pushed the human race on its knees more than once, science triumphed both times.

The rapid rise of technology accompanied the recovering world. 

From tiny microchips in everyone’s homes to mega computers running businesses, technology has become so deeply ingrained it is almost capable of feeling.

If you told someone from 2020 that they are capable of creating VR/AR that would let you say goodbye to your loved one for the last time, they would argue about the ethicality of the said invention. 

They’d even ask you why would one want to disturb the dead in the name of science.

To play with emotions in the name of science is already breaking more than one rule in the endless rules of morality.

Taeil is different, He wanted to defy all the laws of nature.

If nature robbed him of his chance to say goodbye, he wrestled it back to give the people the farewell they deserved.

Anyone who was robbed of the last goodbye—or worse, did not make it—can use it. 

For closure to fully happen, they must face the person. All the unsaid words, no matter the weight it carried, could be said without any consequences.

He warned that nothing in the simulation is real. 

There are risks of emotional attachment to the virtual person behind it because the person looked, sounded, and felt real, prolonged exposure may lead to attachment. Psychiatrists are cautioned with recommending VR/AR for therapy.

But the concept remained the same: Close a chapter in their lives.

The participants signed a waiver explaining all the risks involved the moment they put on the headset.. Serious psychological evaluations were done prior to the test as well. If the participant passes all the requirements and is deemed mentally fit, the headset would be brought out.

“Some people are still at a loss because they were unable to say goodbye,” Taeil once said in an interview with a science magazine.

Taeil said his failed chances of saying goodbye to deceased loved ones pushed him to create Post Script. He went on a length about how he developed the necessary components to complete the project.

‘Post Script’ was designed with the thought of goodbyes in mind. In the future, it could be used to help those who wanted a more physical form of closure.

The positive results were very promising though.

He is confident about the bright future of his project. Once he secured the necessary patents, he can start improving the initial design in order to help more people.

Give him a few more years and he’ll present the final product that could be used by licensed professionals

* * *

The device itself is simple.

An AR headset is to be worn by the user. It's similar to the ones being used in VR games. 

To simulate reality, Taeil developed a program that generated the likeness of the deceased and allowed them to interact with the user.

The user also needs to wear a specialized jacket that makes the experience even more real. Little wires that heat up ran along the material and replicate the sensation of touch. Most sessions last between 20-30 minutes but to the participant, it feels like they have been with them for hours.

Currently, there are three units that exist. 

The earliest prototype was the one Taeil used on himself. The other two were being used as an experimental method of therapy by the leading mental institution in the country. With the trajectory his project is going, he could expect more and more people to use it within his lifetime.

When asked what his inspiration for the project is, the interviewers would see him clench his fist a little tighter and his smile grew strained. Sometimes, he would get this faraway look in his eyes. 

Of course, only those who paid attention would know that. 

“Everyone deserves a good goodbye,” he always said, “Nature is too cruel sometimes.”

* * *

At the very beginning of the project, Taeil wasn’t entirely involved. 

In fact, it wasn’t his project at all.

The real inventor of the project was none other than his eccentric genius of a roommate at KAIST. 

Even if he was two years younger, Kun was always filled with ideas. Taeil’s role was to shoot down those that border on blatant immorality or at least were too dangerous for society.

Most of these ideas remained as scribbles in Kun’s notebook, tucked away from the world.

Their shared apartment was proof that Kun’s mind is always working. Taeil would fall asleep to Kun hunched over his desk and wake up to him passed out by the whiteboard in the living room, a stream of equation-filled papers around him.

He always thought that Kun was always on the verge of discovering new things. 

While most are content with finding a tried and tested way of solving things, Kun would find a hundred more. His way of thinking had gotten him in trouble with professors more times than he could admit.

Every time Kun got kicked out of his classes for trying to upstage the professor, Taeil snuck him in his classes. They passed notes to each other, often ending in a fit of giggles. 

Sometimes it ended with both of them being kicked out of Taeil’s class for being too loud.

More than once, they thought Kun was also part of his major because of how often he crashed in Taeil’s classes. How Kun is not yet expelled from their university is a miracle itself.

He also knew that Kun is incredibly smart. 

The younger skipped several grades and landed on a spot in the country’s premiere science and technology college with ease. While Taeil himself is confident of his own abilities, Kun challenged him and his way of thinking. 

A professor could give Kun a tool and he’d unearth the entire city underneath.

That is just a small testament to who Kun was.

His most defining trait was his empathy. 

Kun didn’t want to be reduced to one of the robots their university produced. Taeil was grateful for Kun’s constant reminders that he was here for his dream and not for others.

He was also a self-sacrificing idiot. 

Even if his help wasn’t needed, Kun insisted that he should be doing something to ease their burden. Never mind that he already had his own weight to carry.

A single memory struck out to him the most. 

It was the same memory that marked the true beginning of the Project Post Script.

One night, Kun came back from a night class and heard him crying.

Taeil rushed to the hospital the moment his last class ended earlier in the day. By the time he arrived, his favorite cousin had already died. He was unable to bid him farewell and went home numb. 

It was extremely unfair that he didn’t even get to say goodbye.

On his bed was the bread plushie they gave him when he went away for college. They gave it to him because they wanted to give him bread but it would be finished right away so they found a bread plushie instead. 

He broke down at the memory and that’s how Kun found him hours later.

The younger rubbed his back as he sobbed. Taeil eventually passed out from crying. 

Later on, he woke up in Kun’s arms. 

A quick glance at the clock said it's 2:39 AM, almost five hours since he fell asleep. Kun looked much younger when he was asleep. He was tempted to trace the features in his face, wanting to commit this to memory.

He didn’t know how long they laid there on Taeil’s bed, the world long forgotten. That specific moment seemed to make something shift between them.

It was like a key unlocking the floodgates that contained his feelings. 

It didn’t come in a trickle nor a sudden gush.

Feelings are like riptides. They’re near impossible to predict and to escape from. He could fight the current, exhaust himself, and drown in regret.

Or, he could let himself float away, leaving everything in Fate’s hands.

* * *

Taeil wondered if Kun knew his time was running out faster than everyone else’s.

People easily approached Kun for help, not once did he think about turning him down. The smile on his face never wavered as long as they were outside.

He joked that Kun managed to develop a special type of LED light so it would seem that he is the manifestation of the sun itself. 

Kun nearly pushed him off the bed from laughing.

The longer they stayed in the university, the more desperate they were to get out. 

Despite the grating pressure to graduate, Kun’s head remained full of ideas and Taeil was the lucky (or unlucky depending on the time of the day) witness of Kun’s numerous inventions. 

He wasn’t surprised when Kun bounded to his side of the room, holding a helmet.

“VR again? What is it this time?” Taeil asked, inspecting the helmet. Kun grinned while he connected it to his laptop. 

He instructed Taeil to put it on and after much questioning, Taeil reluctantly put it on and waited.

The program is obviously at its developing stage. Taeil made mental notes to check on the coding to fix the patches he saw. 

For several minutes, the entire room was almost silent. He could hear Kun cursing in Chinese, the rapid clicking of the keys, and the hum of air conditioning. Inside the helmet, he stood in front of vast nothingness at first. 

Taeil blinked and found himself face to face with his deceased cousin.

He gasped.

“Jisung?!”

Jisung waved at him, smiling. 

There were no tubes attached to his small body. The sickly pallor was gone, replaced with what Jisung could have been if he didn’t fall sick. Jisung beckoned him to run around with him but he found himself frozen in place.

Impossible.

Jisung looked very much alive. When Taeil reached out to him, all he grasped was cold, empty air.

“Come on hyung, let’s play!”

Reality hit him like a freight train. There weren't a lot of things Jisung couldn’t do, and one of them is playing with kids his age. 

Taeil quickly ripped off the headset. Jisung instantly disappears from his view. He blinked several times, his eyes adjusting to the light.

The project was different. It wasn’t anything like he had seen before. Most of the time, Kun warned him ahead of time if it would involve him as a subject. 

Kun was in front of him, nervously twiddling with the cord.

The insults fell on the tip of his tongue as he stared at the younger wordlessly.

“Did it work? Were you able to say goodbye?”

“That was cruel,” was all he could say.

Kun flinched as if he was scalded by hot water.

“Emotions are not a variable, Kun. Why did you do it?” Taeil added. Hurt flashed across his eyes.

Taeil knew that Kun was trying to comfort him in his own way but he had to be reminded sometimes that there are limits to what he can do.

Yet, he also knew that Kun must have noticed the days it was harder to get out of bed. 

Or the times he would forget he is assigned to cook dinner and went straight to bed after a long day. The days blurred and he passed through each one without any recollection of it. 

Their roles were reversed. 

Grief swallowed him whole and spat him back up.

He stared at the headset in his hands. 

A whole new future was unlocked. The idea of being able to provide a physical closure, to lay to rest the demons that haunted millions. Should Kun’s idea fall into the wrong hands, it would not end well for both of them.

“Taeil I-,“ Kun started apologizing but Taeil cut him off.

“Warn me next time,” Taeil said before putting the headset back on, ready to meet Jisung again. “Light it up Kunnie, we’re about to change the world.”

Hours later, they both laid in Kun’s bed. 

Since his bed was nearer to the window, they opted to leave the curtains open. They pretended they were stargazing, the brightly-lit lights outside a (poor) substitute for the stars.

“Did you mean it? When you said I can change the world?” Kun thought out loud.

In his eyes, Kun could change the world twice over and still find something new. He’d have streets upon streets of people cheering for his name. Qian Kun would be the name remembered for centuries. 

Taeil is content watching from the sidelines.

He took Kun’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. He was grateful that the room was dark enough to hide the blush in his cheeks.

“Your head is going to be so big someday.”

_As if his heart isn’t even bigger,_ he thought.

Kun laughed, the sound sending a familiar flutter to his heart. It was one of his favorite sounds, along with the tiny noises Kun would make when he is working on a project and the random humming when it’s his turn to make dinner.

If by a stroke of luck that Kun indeed changed the world, he hoped that he wouldn’t be left in the dust.

He also realized that he had gotten used to Kun’s presence being nearby—physically and even just a mere reminder, that he had forgotten what was life before him. 

It was a deeply ingrained reflex. Look for one, you’d find the other nearby. 

Even their majors, Taeil from Computer Science and Kun from Industrial and Systems Engineering, made them look like a perfect match. 

The only times they actually separated was for their classes.

His sister sent him memes of couple troupes that he pointedly ignored. It wasn’t _that_ bad yet. Taeil respected Kun as his own person, no matter how attached they are to hip.

“Hyung, when I change the world, will you be there?”

“When am I not there?”

“I’m serious!” Kun whined, turning to face him.

Taeil stared at Kun—the other’s eyes were bright, full of promises. He stared at them longer than he would have liked before remembering Kun asked him a question.

But how could he focus? When Kun is being cute in front of him?

“Well…” he pretended to ponder. “Will you be?”

A beat.

“I’m stuck with you. I don’t think I’ll even miss it at all.”

Kun whacked him on the shoulder and called him greasy. 

Taeil laughed.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.

In their final year of university, Kun fell sick more often. 

He would be shivering in their shared classes and Taeil was worried the younger worked himself to the bone. The project remained a hidden secret to them both.

The next time they tested it again, Taeil pointed out the flaws in Kun’s programming. As brilliant as the younger was, Taeil is the software engineer between them.

“The software is still glitchy. It’s more of a basic virtual reality software. Do you think we need to give the person more personality?” Taeil mused, watching the virtual version of his cousin play around. 

He heard Kun chuckle as he took in Taeil’s input.

“And risk the user getting too attached? We’re playing gods here, hyung,”

“You’re right, you’re right. Now about the movements…” Taeil made himself move around. 

He rattled off more comments before asking Kun to turn off the program.

Kun was busy writing down Taeil’s comments and incorporating them in the code. His hands shook erratically as he struggled to type. Taeil frowned, placing a hand on top of Kun’s. 

“You can stop typing. I’m the programmer here, remember?”

“But this is my program! Topic submissions are a week away!”

Taeil gently tried to pry Kun off his computer. He was met with a weak protest. 

“It’s time for bed. Come on,” Kun tried not to budge but gave in when Taeil sent him with a look.

He guided the younger to bed and tucked him in. 

The whole notion is ridiculous but Taeil would rather have a well-rested Kun than a sleep-deprived one. 

They had been there and it wasn’t a pretty one.

“Hyung, my project, it will be accepted right?” Kun asked once he was under covers. 

Taeil ruffled his hair, smiling fondly.

“You’re about to change the world Kunnie. Now sleep.” 

As Taeil turned the lamp off, a hand tugged his. He was no stranger to sleeping on the other’s bed, the university making them lose any semblance of shyness. 

However, this one is insistent.

Wordlessly, he pulled back the covers and joined in, basking in the warmth. The faint glow of city lights shone against the crack in Kun’s curtains, casting a soft, neon glow. Kun stared at him with a sleepy gaze. 

“Hyung, you know I like you right?” He whispered.

“You like a lot of people,”

The younger shifted, snuggling closer and Taeil let out a sigh of contentment. 

“I like you the most though.”

It was easy to be like this, way too easy. 

They stood on the edge of a cliff and Kun was waiting for him to jump with him. 

Had this happened earlier, he would have hesitated. Why jump into the unknown when he is perfectly safe here? The bottom could not be seen. It could be jagged rocks that would pierce through him, a rocky end that would break him.

It could be water, the slap harsher than every failed grade he encountered. Soon, they would float to shore together and make it safely.

It’s a matter of Kun’s willingness to jump in with him.

Unlike software programs, which he could control through variables, feelings are unfamiliar territory. With no idea how to navigate nor a set of steps to follow, it more of taking a shot in the dark. There are variables but it is difficult to predict the outcome. 

While a set could work for some people, the same set would bring pain to others.

Taeil snaked an arm around Kun, holding him as tightly as he could. 

While everything is possible, he is afraid of the day that he would have to see Kun through the headset. While Kun’s invention meant no harm, he wondered if he is also aware of how destructive it can be.

To see someone who you adored when they were alive become an unreachable figure. 

A scepter of what one could have done and said.

When he is sure that Kun is asleep, a soft “I love you” escapes from his lips. He gazed at his sleeping roommate’s face, eyes softening at the sight.

The whole world can look at him all they want. 

Taeil is proud to tell them that, at the end of the day, the tiny apartment they shared for the last four years is where Kun came home to.

Here in his arms, Kun is safe. 

When the day comes, the bubble will burst and he will have to share it with the world again.

It was a gloomy Wednesday when Taeil’s world came crashing down. 

They successfully ran a whole simulation of Kun’s program with minimal hitches. Kun got his project ready for presentation. They promised to meet at their favorite restaurant later, whether Kun passed or failed his project

Taeil worked on his own project. 

It was a program that would enable Kun’s dream project to run smoothly. He planned to surprise the younger with it.

Two hours have passed, Kun still hasn’t gone back to their place. 

Maybe he got held up at university?

It would be unusual for the younger to stay out long though. He promised to drop by their place before they went out.

Taeil tried to call Kun but none of his calls came through.

Too distracted to work on his project, Taeil paced around the living area. He tried reasoning with himself that there are a lot of reasons why one would come back later.

His phone started ringing and he answered it quickly “Kun! I was glad you finally called back.”

Instead of Kun’s warm voice, a female-sounding, a robotic voice answered: “Is this the emergency contact of Mr. Qian?”

Taeil gripped his phone tighter, swallowing a lump that formed in his throat. 

He answered that yes, he is Kun’s emergency contact. No, he doesn’t know where his parents are at the moment. Yes, he’ll get to the hospital right away.

As soon as the call ended, he sat frozen in his chair.

The whole world simultaneously crashed down and broke apart. It didn’t make sense like how Kun lay on that hospital bed, so cold and lifeless. 

Not like the Kun he was used to seeing around.

As he glanced at the other’s unmade bed, he wondered if everything was a bad dream all along. Kun would come in and tease him for falling asleep on his bed again. 

Deep inside, they knew that Taeil’s bed remained unoccupied for weeks.

Taeil made his way to Kun’s bed, curling up instantly. The faint scent of sandalwood and the laundry detergent Kun insisted they use lingered on the sheets. The afternoon sun warmed the sheets earlier, giving it an impression that someone just left their warm bed.

He inhaled deeply, imagining that Kun was right there.

He didn’t know how long he lay there. Minutes melted into hours as the sky above them grew darker.

The shock hadn’t worn off entirely. 

Taeil is not sure whether he wanted to cry or to scream. He tried to label his emotions, manifest them into something he could deal with. He refused to leave it as an unknown variable that only manifested itself as an error.

He wasn’t this broken when he rushed to Jisung’s death bed.

Taeil watched the walls he built fall down, the boulders going straight at him. 

Instead of running to safety, he only closed his eyes once more, letting the rocks completely crush him.

* * *

_“That’s not healthy! Working yourself to the ground wouldn’t make Jisungie happy!” Kun chastised him, this time for staying up late again. Taeil focused on his screen instead, typing lines and lines of codes. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with emotions for a while._

_“Hyung!” He repeated, trying to tug him away from his laptop._

_“Hey! I’m trying to finish my homework here!”_

_“It’s due next week, you don’t have class until 6PM and I am doing my duty as your bestfriend to make sure your parents still have a son,” Kun said matter-of-factly._

_He eventually relented, getting a déjà vu from the whole scenario._

_He tried to stop himself from laughing at the reversal of their roles. Taeil was more used to pulling the plug (only if Kun already saved his work) and dragging him to the living area for either some cuddling or snacks._

_Kun always repaid him for all the hassle he had caused._

_He didn’t mind it though. It must be nice being the one taken care of every once in a while. Taeil let Kun drag him to the kitchen and handle the cooking for tonight._

_Warmth spread throughout his body. This must be the feeling of someone who truly cherished you, whether it's platonic or romantic. His family of choice might be just him, Kun, the tiny robots running around, and Taeil’s plants._

* * *

Days turned into weeks, months, and years. 

Taeil stubbornly refused to move out of their apartment. Others tried to convince him to move in with them instead but he always turned down their offers.

Eventually, he got himself a cat and a dog. 

Norangyi sure did take after Taeil, while Haengbogi might as well be Kun’s reincarnation. He was worried when he brought the tiny puppy home, Norangyi might start acting more territorial and hurt him.

To his surprise, Norangyi started grooming him instead. 

The older cat never let the small puppy out of sight.

A little bit like when Kun first moved in, a little dazed and very eager to have his taste of freedom for the first time. 

This is how they must have looked like to others, Taeil mused to himself, while watching them play around. The shiba had grown up already but still acted like a little baby around the calico. It reminded him a little of their freshman days.

“I’m afraid I can’t accept your proposal,” Taeil pushed back the stack of papers. 

The stiffly-dressed, greying investor in front of him huffed. “Why not? This marvelous idea of yours would be the breakthrough of the century!”

He begged to differ. The project wouldn’t be possible without Kun. The younger would immediately object to the idea as well. 

Not only that, but he’s also afraid that Kun’s invention might lead to the ruin of humanity instead.

The meeting lasted for another hour. When it was clear that Taeil won’t budge, the investor gave up trying to convince him. 

Taeil left the company quickly, eager to go home. He’s glad that he got to keep the idea with him for a little longer.

Speaking of, the original model still sat on the same desk Kun used years ago. 

It was already devoid of its owner’s things, most of them given away already years ago or sent back to his parents.

The device itself lacked the sleek, polished look that its successors had. Some wires were still exposed, most likely due to Kun’s constant reconfigurations. 

Taeil connected the headset to Kun’s old laptop, watching the program load.

If there was a reason why Taeil worried about the device, he himself had no answer to that.

Taeil put the headset on, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

“Light it up Kunnie,” he called out.

A smile quirked up his lips as a robotic voice, eerily resembling Kun’s, responded.

_“Welcome home Taeil.”_

**Author's Note:**

> this is honestly an impulse project that i worked on instead of studying for finals. don't worry, i passed the finals and only got around to finishing it just now. 
> 
> thank you to the lovely [ale](https://twitter.com/gravityongs)  
> for screaming at my DMs <3
> 
> the prompt is based on this interesting [article](https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/virtual-reality-dead-daughter-mum-mother-talk-a4359136.html)  
> i found a while back
> 
> kudos/comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> socials:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/weishenvtaiyi)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/adiosnoninos)


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